101 Ways to Annoy, Harrass and Confuse Lord Voldemort

1. Ask him why he doesn't have such a cool scar?
2. Laugh at him.
3. Wake him up by singing Beach Boys or even better, Himesh Reshammiya in his ear...
4. Knit him things for his Birthday. Really hideous things.
5. Give him Kangaroo-ears for a month.
6. Smile during Death-Eater meetings and say you taught him everything he knows.
7. Chew bubblegum all the time. Should he address you, your only response would be a series of huge bubbles in quick succession, the last of which will burst everywhere and make a huge mess.
8. Dance the Funky Chicken.
9. Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
10. Pat him on the head and give him flowers when his plans are foiled yet again.
11. If you ever need to say, "Like taking candy from a baby", be sure to add "Of course, SOME of us might find that harder than others!". Stare pointedly at him.
12. Play 'knock-and-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.
13. Call him "The-man-who-let-the-boy-live".
14. Ask why the Dark Mark couldn't look like something more socially acceptable?
15. Insist that you have met chunks of cheese with more cunning plans than his.
16. Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.
17. Be cheerful. (Like Tonks.)
18. When he tries to impress you with his powers say- "Aww lookit. Voldie's got a twiggle!"
19. Try to teach him how to play a mouth organ. Click your tongue distastefully.
    
20. Roll your eyes during plotting sessions and say things under your breath like "You're the boss, boss"
21. Greet him in the morning with a "My Sir, you look particularly menacing today!"
22. Taunt him about his middle name. "Marvolo? What's that, a washing detergent?"
23. Keep a good behaviour chart. Award points and give out gold stars.
24. Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
25. Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do thins non-stop for an hour. *poof*there*poof*gone*poof*there...
26. Play cards with him. Bluff mercilessly.
27. Let off party-poppers in his face whenever the urge strikes you.
28. Ask him "Did you ever have a girlfriend? Like Ever?"
29. Get a pair of finger puppets and enact all of Harry's victories over him in a spectacularly childish fashion. Make sure to give them both squeaky voices.
30. Anyttime he eneters the room, insist on entering first and announce him grandly.
31. In these announcements, fake a trumpet noise and give him an equally fake drumroll.
32. Exclaim sarcastically, "You're breaking my heart, oh Dark One" whenever he starts talking of how he became who he is.
33. Encourage him to think happy thoughts.
34. Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling.
35. Mock him of his choice of Quirrel as a 'host'.
36. tell him Yoga classes could cure him of his wicked ways.
37. Get the song, 'Blame it on me' stuck in his head.
38. If he's having evil-plotter's block in one of his sessions, "Wingardium Leviosa" a light bulb over his head. Turn it on.
39. Tell him constantly to stop repressing his anger.
40. Buy him a stress-ball shaped like a Smiley.
41. Hint that he's the only character in the book who will never triumph.
42. Call him Tommy-boy.
43. if you're feeling gutsy, call him Voldie-poo.
44. Whack him in the arm every five minutes and say "Mosquito"
45. Say he looked better 'under a turban'/
46. Roast his pet snake. Offer him some.
47. Endeavour to teach him Bonsai, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.
48. Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and Star Wars. talk at great length.
49. Be generally in awe of him and never look away.
50. 'Imperius' his Death eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All things bright and Beautiful'.
51. Shower him with confetti and rice.
52. Paint all the Death eater mask with colour and glitter.
53. Throw him a 'care-bears' theme party.
54. Tell him what Snape's really up to.
55. Politely exclaim "Don't know why you're so afraid of Dear old Dumbles".
56. Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an evil moment.
57. Should you ever be eating together... drum tunes in your cutlery, play with your food and blow bubbles in your milk.
58. Ask him to dance the polka with you.
59. Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing up daisies' and 'smooth as a baby's bottom' into conversation as much as possible.
60. Ask him if he's sure 'the-whole-evil-maniac-out-for-power-and-revenge-thingy' isn't getting a bit old?
61. Get him to play 'Tag!' with you.
62. Tell him you know this great therapist in London...
63. Throw tupperware parties. Insist he sit through them.
64. Tell him you've met puh-lenty of people more evil than he.
    
65. Hide his teddy bear. That always makes him cry.
66. Give him a plant. Act morally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.
67. Steal, snap and bury him wand.
68. Tell him Lucius did it.
69. Give Rite Skeeter full knowledge of his plans and whereabouts... and his preference in colognes.
70. Remind him that he isn't even really alive.
71. Write a Death eater theme song. Start singing it every time he is about to do something particularly clever and nasty.
72. Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause'.
73. Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling'.
74. Make vague allusions to harry Potter being his son.
75. When he's done something naughty, wag your finger and say "Now now, do you think Salazar would really approve of that?"
76. ask him how he could wish to harm a single hair on that 'sweet, innocent, cute little boy'.
77. Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.
78. Lecture him at great length on why he shouldn't use the Unforgivables.
79. Leave disgusting and rotting dead things around him. Insist that it's Aromatherapy.
80. Tell him that Fred and George Weasley are doing roaring business on their "You-know-poo" merchandise.
81. Begin any question you ask him with "Riddle me this!". Emphasise on Riddle.
82. Cuddle him at Random moments.
83. Treat him as you would treat an eccentric acquaintance.
84. Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.
85. Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.
86. Tell him you think evil master plans for world domination are 'kind of girlie'.
87. Quote Argus Filch. Insist HE will one day rule the wizarding world.
88. Mimic everything he says in a sing-song voice.
89. Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb movements.
90. Write sonnets for him.
91. Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
92. Offer him ice0cream cake.
93. Tell people he's really just a big softie.
94. Psychoanalyse him. Conclude that he is 'mildly depressed and a bit of a control-freak'
95. Mock his baldness.
96. Make a pass at him. Pinch his Butt-cheeks.
97. Smile and say "Who loves you Volders?" at inopportune moments.
98. Get him drunk.
99. Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revel and start playing 'Kumbayah'.
100. Let him catch you trying on Death eater robes.
101. Be Harry Potter. Be alive...